Greatest Fear
by ObsessiveFanNumber1
Summary: My worst fear had always been the same. Even when I was nine years old and Bruce would go out at night without me. When I founded the team with Wally, Kaldur, and Conner, it only got worse. The first time I donned the new costume, I'd realized that it'd become more real than ever. And the night that Jason Todd became Robin, the Boy Wonder, fear had become terror.


**Title: Greatest Fear  
Snippet/Summary: 'My worst fear had always been the same. Even when I was nine years old and Bruce would go out at night without me. When I founded the team with Wally, Kaldur, and Conner, it only got worse. The first time I donned the new costume, I'd realized that it'd become more real than ever. And the night that Jason Todd became Robin, the Boy Wonder, fear had become terror.' One-shot. Please read/review!  
Characters: Dick Grayson/Nightwing, Jason Todd/Robin (sort of). Mentions of Bruce Wayne/Batman, Kaldur'ahm/Aqualad, & Tula/Aquagirl.  
Genre: Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort  
Pairings: None. Big brother!Dick  
Rating: K+ for past character death**

**Headcanon (**_**from youngjusticeheadcanons**_**): Aqualad was already undercover at the time of Jason's death. Wally and Artemis were out of the game. Batgirl hadn't joined the team yet, and none of the others had gotten past his barriers. Nightwing was alone.**

* * *

My worst fear had always been the same.

Even when I was nine years old and Bruce would go out at night without me.

When I founded the team with Wally, Kaldur, and Conner, it only got worse.

The first time I donned the new costume, I'd realized that it'd become more real than ever.

And the night that Jason Todd became Robin, the Boy Wonder, fear had become terror.

_He's going to get hurt, and I'm not going to be there to help him._

That knowledge kept me awake on my rare nights off. Danger came with the job; I knew that. I knew that if anyone could take care of himself, it was Bruce. But the second half of the Bat's name was still 'man', and he could still get hurt or killed a lot easier than other heroes.

This was a stronger reminder of that than I would've liked.

The minute Bruce and Alfred told me about Jason, I hated him. I hated him for wearing my colors, for taking up my role, for replacing me. I despised that he was literally some kid off the street that Bruce decided had potential just because he was able to get three tires off of the Batmobile. In that instant, I wanted to break every ambition the brat had about the family nightlife—make sure he knew that it was _family_.

Then Bruce adopted him. The brat who'd stolen my place next to Bruce had become my younger brother. When I grew up and became Nightwing, I didn't intend to stop working with Bruce as his partner. I just needed to move on from being the same kid I'd been at eight years old. Kind of a less-angsty version of the way the Arrows were able to work together—that was what I had in mind. But while he's part of the Justice League, Bruce isn't much of a team player, and the trio of Batman, Robin, and Batgirl was pushing it. He didn't want another full-time partner, and it was the last thing he'd believe he'd ever need. Accepting help is hard enough for him; I knew that, and I didn't want to push it too far. Even if it meant my greatest fear became more complicated.

_Someone else is there, and he won't know how to protect Bruce like I do._

When Jason became a member of the team, I didn't want to give him a chance. I wanted nothing more than to convince Kaldur, who was still leader at the time, to put him on Gamma for every mission that we were forced to let him out on. I had already been replaced as Batman's partner. Being replaced as part of the team was something that absolutely terrified me. As the Boy Wonder, Jason was everything I wasn't: arrogant, reckless, and a genuine pain in the neck. It drove me insane, how much it felt like he was rubbing in the fact that he'd replaced me.

Until Tula died. Jason had become close friends with her, somehow never being quite as obnoxious when she was around. It wasn't a crush; I think he viewed her as the closest to a mom he could find. Her death shook him harder than any of the non-Atlantean members of the team. It was a harsh reminder of his real mom's death, the reason he'd been on the streets stealing tires from the freaking Batmobile. The Reason for everything he was doing.

A couple of days after that, the plan had been made, and Kaldur quit, going undercover on the dark side. I became official leader of the team. Barely hours after that, Jason pulled me aside (literally), glared me straight in the eye, and told me that I was going to set up an area beneath the mountain for fallen team members. There was going to be a place at team HQ where respects could be paid to the ones who deserved it and new members could know what legacy they were holding up. He was wearing mirrored sunglasses, per Bruce's standing orders, but I could hear the scratched huskiness in his voice that betrayed the facts. He'd been crying and trying to force himself not to, choking back tears constantly since Tula died.

That day, Jason became more than the brat who'd stolen my place. He was my little brother. And while I'd been doing a terrible job at it, I wanted to take care of him like any good big brother would. So I agreed to create a memorial for Tula as long as Jason helped me with it. After all, with Kaldur 'switching sides', Jason was the one who'd been the closest to her. We dug out the grotto and arranged it so that Tula's memorial was up front, by the water.

For Jason, it was all about creating a tribute for her, but it was bonding time, too. I realized how much of an image I'd created and held in my mind of him—that while he was cocky, he wasn't arrogant; while he was reckless, there were times when he was gentle. While he was a genuine pain in the neck, it was a little brother's job to annoy their big brother, and vice versa.

While he had taken my colors, my role, my place, it wasn't just because of Bruce offering it to him. It was partially because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Jason never said it, but I saw for the first time the way he constantly glanced in my direction, hope barely daring to gleam in his eyes that he had my—the original's—approval. Especially when I asked and he told me that Bruce put a lot of emphasis on training him in acrobatic skills and that his natural hair color was actually red; he dyed it black to 'make it less obvious that Bats changed partners'.

It was dyed black because he was trying to be more like me. The acrobatics were Bruce's way of holding onto the memory of my time as Robin. Jason sensed that, and he was doing anything he could to make Bruce happy. Spoken from experience, living up to what Bruce wants is the most important thing to you once you're Robin. In Jason's case, it was impossible—because Bruce wanted him to be me.

Jason became my little brother that day.

And I don't regret it at all.

I just wish that I wasn't moving Tula's memorial back right now to stand beside his. I wish that hers was standing near the water for more than a few months. I wish that the sting from her death hadn't been so easy to pour salt into the wound for Jason that he went running off to Ethiopia on his own without telling anyone when he found a hint that his birth mother might not have been who he thought she was. I wish that the Joker hadn't been in the country trying to sell weapons. I wish Jason's biological mom hadn't been so easy to buy. Jason deserved better than that.

Most of all, I wish that I didn't have to put a memorial in the grotto for him.

Or at least that someone else was here. Someone else that knows exactly what they have to do or say to make me feel like the world's still spinning, not because they understand but because I know that they're not pretending to; they're just being there. The others are trying, but they only knew Robin. They never knew Jason. Only Wally knew Jason, and he and Artemis have left the hero life.

One thing I do know, though. My greatest fear has always involved Bruce—hurt or killed because I wasn't there to protect him like I should be. When Jason became the Boy Wonder, I was scared to death that Bruce would rely on him the way he relied on me and that Jason wouldn't be able to handle it—because he was a kid and wasn't used to being able to deal with it like I was. Now, though, it's changed. Bruce has gone out enough nights by himself for me to know that he can take care of himself, and no matter what, someone will find out if he's in over his head. He's gone through years of training himself and tracking down the world's greatest to teach him how to do anything and everything. There's no need to worry about him.

Robin—my little brother—is a different story.

I'm not going to let my greatest fear happen. Not again. I won't be like Bruce and close out everyone, give some dumb speech about it being better to never care again than to love and lose.

But if there is another Robin—another kid who becomes my little brother—then I won't let him be beaten within an inch of his life with a crowbar. I won't let him get blown up. No matter how it could possibly happen, I will not let him die.

Because loving and losing has a purpose, too. It shows that you need to make sure you don't miss out on the time you had before you cared, back when you were too stubborn and jealous to know the truth about the person. It slaps you and tells you not to make the same mistake twice. It makes sure you know that you need to hold on tight to what you love and do whatever's best for them.

Jaybird learned that lesson when Tula died. In all morbid honesty, I think that death is the only way you truly can learn that.

I just wish I wasn't learning it from his death.

* * *

_"__Tim. You'll be leading Gamma."_

_"__Me? Dick, I've never led a squad before…"_

_"__Making this a good opportunity to get your feet wet as field leader."_

_"__Because it's Gamma, and you're not expecting trouble, or because we're stretched thin and you have no choice?"_

_"…__Just don't die, okay?"_

* * *

**A/N: *cries and hugs Dick* Dickie-bird! Jaybird! *hugs them both* The ending scene with Dick and Tim is a tribute to **_**The Continuation of a Legacy**_** by frozen water droplet. (Go and check it out; it's an epic one-shot.) Plus I feel it really fits. I'm not quite sure where I got the idea for the Tula/Jason mother-son sort of bond, but I really like it. :D Maybe I'll write something with that… *coughs* Anyways, please review!**


End file.
